As artists we ALL have the tendency to be very sensitive and that is probably the single most irritating part of being a writer and singer. You won’t find a large majority of people who are willing to admit that many times we are weighed down by our expectations of others and how they respond when we prompt. And more often than not I have found that most people are not very responsive to what does not involve them or benefit them immediately.

Feedback, whether positive, negative or indifferent, is good for an artist to grow and get better at what they do and is vital to the continuity of the music being produced. This seems to be a battle for most independent artists across the board.

So in order to conquer some mixed emotions I have about support and the expectations I have had in the past I want to expose it and remove the negative connotation attached to it for myself. I desire to have a clean conscience as I continue making music skillfully and in excellence to the Glory of God!

I have come to a place where I realize that there is nothing so special about me that the world should come to a screeching halt every-time I write or sing a song that stirs me and excites me. But everything IS special about the God who lives and moves within me.The world tells us to pop our collars and shake the haters off but why is that? Why do we spend so much time trying to identify haters? Do we think so HIGHLY of ourselves that we think everyone hates us because we are good a what we do? What kind of mindset is that to possess? I will tell you; We have all been there a or still reside there today.

I am wrong to expect attention, support, promotion or anything else from anyone other than God.  So I have arrived at this:

I would love to think that millions of people feel the way I do about the music I do. But if they don’t…Well life must go on.

I would love to think that support among artists is without favoritism and hidden motives. Truth is  that is just how it goes.

I don’t need 50,000 likes on my FB Page to be who I am. This is the standard of the world and not of God.

If no one ever buys my music or makes positive comments and shares with their friends…..

I have to be ok with that. I cannot force people to do what they have chosen not to do. I am ok to accept that.

There seems to be a very fine line between drawn between artists relationships and competition. Even though it should not be so in the Christian community, it all comes down to who’s better at riffs or who can blow or WHATEVER! We can’t just do what we do to bring glory to God and minister to HIS people right? No that would be to simple. We size each other up and in the back of our minds we say “He/She ain’t all that.”

It hurts when my expectations of those who say “I love your music” or those who are the closest to me cause excitement and then when what I assume will take place after that is nothing close to what I thought would happen and my disappointment causes me to doubt every word that people speak. So I think I set myself up each and every-time I allow myself to hold expectations of people where I am concerned.

The word SUPPORT has become a bitter taste in my mouth to the point where I sometimes despise the desire that bubbles inside for what I do because to do it effectively it requires SUPPORT! But then I think, if I couldn’t write or sing anymore it would kill me literally. Yes I would love to make a living doing what I love instead of what I MUST do but I cannot trust anyone other than God to either get me there and to help me to accept where I am now with contentment.

Support should not be something we beg people for or force them to do. As a matter of fact if that’s what it takes I don’t want it. It takes time but I am learning that I have to die to self daily so that I won’t look to my physical to give me peace in this venture. The physical man will always make us feel indifferent, disappointment, used and abused all in the same breath but I know Better!
When it comes down to it Jesus is THE FAMOUS ONE and I am just a tool being used to continue His work on earth.

If I thrive on the expectations I have of PEOPLE, I will always come up empty.

If I never make it to where I believe God is sending me,

If I am never recognized,

If no one cares to listen… though it breaks my heart to say….I want to be ok with that.

Although it would be wonderful to have everyone on board and willing to help get the word out about my music and my ministry.It’s NOT the most important thing in the world to me nor is it realistic thinking. If only ONE life is truly changed for the better by the gift God gave me …

I am going to practice keeping my mind in the right place and make all the necessary adjustments in this thing and just do what I DO consistently, humbly and effectively. No matter what, I can’t stop and I will NOT!

I am lowering my expectations of people in general and raising my expectations of myself as a servant and believer!

Finally, I’m going to ask God become My GREAT EXPECTATION!

It has come to my attention that my song and video, Illuminate, are being confused with a demonic movement called illuminati so as a BOLD believer in the only One True GOD I must clear the air. I am NOT nor will I ever be affiliated with any other belief system or authority other than the GOD of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob of the Bible.

I have done a little (not going to deep) research of this illuminati movement that has the Hollywood elite sold out to believe that they can have it all (fame, fortune and social status) only to find they lose their souls. I have seen many pop and hip hop idols (by the worlds standards) holding up triangular hand symbols and wearing clothing that represents this movement. Artist such as Jay Z, Drake, Beyonce, Kanye West, Lil Wayne, Eminem, Rhianna, Lady GaGa, renown atheletes and many more of the worlds richest icons can be found making theses gestures with their own hands, wearing labeled clothing (all seeing eye) and even photographed covering one eye or circling it (Thumb and index finger touching leaving the 3 fingers pointing out) symbolizing 666 the mark of the beast.

Side note: the symbol around my eye shown above is a heart symbolizing love and love alone. It was also taken long before the previously mentioned was brought to my attention.

There are things that men, women and children everywhere are mimicking without knowing that there is a deceptive meaning behind every detail of what they do and even within the lyrics of their songs and images in their videos.

Each of the above artist have a common theme that is associated with their individual character which is sex, pride, money and power. Whether it be for show and entertainment or not this is what is being communicated to the world through televisions, radios and internet channels across the world. If this is okay with you then there is no reason to continue reading.

I am not going to go too deep into this because I know who my God is and what He represents is love, joy, peace, goodness and kindness… Galations 5:22.

Here’s what I connect the illuminati mess with:

For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. 1 John 2:16  And in another translation says; Not everything that the world offers—physical gratification, greed, and extravagant lifestyles—comes from the Father. It comes from the world, and ¹⁷the world and its evil desires are passing away. But the person who does what God wants lives forever.

People ask me all of the time if I am shopping for a record deal. My answer will always be no. Unless it is on my own terms and I don’t have to alter my image and become what the industry wants and I don’t feel like I am selling myself for money. There is no amount of money that would make me sell out. PERIOD! I want to represent what is pure, wholesome and decent which is a quality that is deficient in the music industry today.

My whole point in this blog is to shine a light on what’s REALLY going on and it’s right before your eyes. Before you support know what you are supporting. Before you listen, know what it is you are listening too. Before you copy know what it is you are copying. And do some research, find the truth for yourself.

Illuminate (The title of my single and name of my album) by definition means: to provide or brighten with light. The only true light I believe in comes from God almighty Himself.

Matthew 5:16
“Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

                                                             ~”Illuminate” SHINE-YOUR-LIGHT! ~ Laura J

www.onlylauraj.com

Sooo, you get to a place in your life where you know something is missing. People who don’t know you from a hole in the wall confirm that God is trying to get your attention yet you continue ignoring the knock at the door.

What are you waiting for?

Is knowing that God wants your attention scary or a great comfort? Is not knowing the details of the reason why He is flagging you down making you fearful? What do you have to lose other than a life filled with things that lead to death, He is handing you an opportunity to live and NEVER die.

What are you waiting for?

The world offers you riches if you do what it wants, look the way it wants and if you say the things it wants you to. Yet everything this world offers will crumble, decay and lead to nothing. But we just can’t resist because we would rather be pretty, rich, famous and well liked. That feels good. Right?

You say to yourself, if I answer the call God has on my life, then I have to act a certain way, dress a certain way and have absolutely NO FUN! Wrong to a certain extent. Of course when we are associated with an organization we are required to maintain the integrity of what they stand for. We should wear the uniform to identify ourselves as employees, conduct ourselves responsibly and we must be careful of what we say. YES that is standard ethics 101!

But, to say I cannot be who I have been all along or I can’t have fun…this could not be further away from the truth.

I used to think drinking till I upchucked and getting into fights at the club was fun until it began to wear me down internally. I started to hate who I saw in the mirror.  A foul-mouthed, belligerent and disrespectful drunk. To the point where I had alcohol under my bed and a razor to my wrist. This could not be happiness, I thought to myself. I knew that I had done this LIFE thing completely wrong. I had no peace and of course, no joy. I was 22 when I realized I needed a SAVIOR! Waiting would only prolong the death of who I thought I was.

Today I love who I am and who I am becoming. I actually stand for something. I am a role model to my children and I believe in my heart that God is smiling down upon me with every effort I make to impact the world. The dark places of molestation, abuse, alcoholism (and the list goes on) an all that life used to destroy me no longer have its hands around my neck. I am free. I don’t have to look a certain way to be accepted and live for social networks and have a billion people LIKE my page or have the nicest house on the block or drive a nice car. These things used to matter to me and now they have NO power over me.

I am in a place where these things don’t motivate me to live and SALVATION is the best thing that could have happened to me. I never thought in a million years that I would be where I am today and I love it.

SO. Back to the question at hand. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

2 Corinthians 6:2 Says NOW is the day of SALVATION.  Tomorrow might not come to you so why wait? We can never be good enough on our own. Nothing we can do to get it right will work but Salvation will work for us and on our behalf.

Some say that they think being a good person is enough to get them to heaven BUT what is good to you. Man’s standards of what is good is corrupt and unjust so by what standard are you measuring that goodness? Jesus is the only man to walk the earth with the same temptations as us and not sin.

The bottom line is we ALL sin and fall short of Gods glorious standards. Oh but Jesus is the piece of the puzzle that connects us back to the hand of our Father. Romans 10:8,9&10 is what it takes to be saved. Admit, Believe, Confess. This was the best thing that I could have ever done for myself and I will never be the same because of the light God continues to shine within me. I am nothing apart from God.

Don’t get caught up into what you think you will lose by accepting Jesus in your life. Look at your life closely and you will see that you really have nothing to lose but everything to gain. It is Gods will that you be safe in His arms when the Lord returns. He wants you to be with Him in now and forever. John 6:40 There is no greater insurance policy in the world.

After you have reflected and examined your life I hope and pray that you are stirred into action to get going now while there is still time. Don’t wait too long. God never pressures us to do anything. He speaks and we should act. The time is NOW Isaiah 55:6

It’s your face that I’m looking for.

When darkness fills the atmosphere and invades my space

It’s still your face that I’m looking for.

My past tried to swallow me whole without apologies just hypocrisy using me as an analogy and even when it follows me

I can’t help but admit that it is your face that I’m looking for.

Slightly convinced that I am not, nor will I ever be, enough or even a little bit of something, something

It’s your face that I’m looking for.

Feelings of overwhelming lack cause my childhood was WACK although I can say that I’m okay with that

It’s still your face that I’m looking for.

Today I am better than I ever imagined I could be, filled with destiny, more than statistics said I’d be

Not close to perfect, His grace I don’t deserve it, I can just get over it how you covered me, moved me, delivered me, saved and loved me. Little old me. Damaged little me. Dirty little ME. I was not good but you were the ONE who wanted me.

Though I may trip and fall as I walk it out and depending on this world fills me with doubt still what’s inside has eventually got to come out more and more and more so I know what I am here for

One thing is for sure…I can’t help but admit that it is your face that I’m looking for.